Do you play hard to get because you do not want to come off as too easy? Does playing games make you more desirable?

When you play hard to get, the only type of men you will attract are players. Players are thrilled with the chase and those who love the chase are the ones who will break your heart.

By playing games, you spark a lot of interest and curiosity and make it all extremely exciting. However, this excitement dies as soon as he has 'caught' you. In most cases, chances are, he will leave you as soon as the game is over. When you play games, you are pretending. You are not your true self. So unless you keep on playing games for the whole duration of your relationship, the excitement that was initially created will die. This is because players do not want a long term relationship. They are happy with a short term passionate affair where they can move on and enjoy the next game that leads up to another conquest. Relationships that start off by playing games never last. Besides, why would you ever want to be in a superficial relationship?

Playing hard to get is not love. It is CONTROL. Relationships that are based on control, where one person dominates is NOT healthy. In this case, the only person you need to control is you.

Mind games are tiring. REAL men do not play games. They know what they want. A REAL man who is truthfully seeking a long term and mature relationship wants an upfront woman desiring the same thing and not someone who plays hard to get or who feels dating is merely a game.

If you pretend to be someone else, you may ward off the good men and end up with players who will only break your heart. When you're genuine, you will attract mature, genuine and quality men that you truly deserve.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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Believe it or not, I used to be really shy when it comes to making new friends. Being shy can be a disadvantage especially when it comes to meeting men! I have overcomed that now and even though I still get bouts of shyness inside me every once in a while, I can still hide it pretty easily. Right now, many won't believe me if I told them that I am a shy person! :)

So how did I do it?

-Train Your Mind-

I am big on psychology and the human brain so what I always do is to simply TALK to my brain. I know it might sound like I'm crazy but it works! Let's say I am feeling extremely nervous about going on a date with this new guy I just met and whom I really, really like. So before going out, I would TALK to my brain and tell it convincingly, "Oh I know this guy really well. We hang out a lot and we've been friends for ages!" I just keep telling the same thing to myself each time I meet someone new. That's all I do. By repeating these words to myself, I am manipulating my brain to believe that it is true. This is what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. Initially, your brain may not believe what you are saying. After a few days, your brain and your conscience will work hand in hand and simply accept whatever you are telling it. It works like magic!

Now, I've come to a point where I am no longer shy when I meet new people. I have trained my mind enough to believe that I am not a shy person. In fact, I get a lot of people who tell me that they enjoy my company and they feel as if we've known each other for a long time - when we've only known each other for barely a week! Amazing, huh? Overcoming shyness is not an impossible task. It can be overcomed with the right techniques, mindset and attitude.


-Causes of Shyness-

Shyness can happen not only to the introverts but extroverts as well. So what causes it? It could be due to several factors. Here are a few:

• Poor self esteem or self image leading to self-consciousness.

• Traumatic events that occurred in childhood or the formative years. This leaves a wound, making a person retreat and unwilling to open up again.

• Not having enough opportunities to interact and to grow socially. This leads to feeling awkward and out of place in social situations. They may in turn express it with shyness or withdrawal.

If shyness is getting in your way of meeting men, then it's time to do something about it. Understanding what causes shyness is the first step to developing effective techniques to conquer shyness. To know more about shyness and overcoming it, here are two websites that provide some good information:

Shake Your Shyness
Social Anxiety Disorder and Shyness Info


-Tips on Overcoming First Date Jitters-

If you are getting first date jitters or are shy on a first date because you are constantly feeling self-conscious about yourself, then here are a few tips:

• Think present. Do not worry about what will or should happen next. Go with the flow and let things naturally take its course.
  

• Do not worry too much about what he thinks of you. You don't need an evaluation from him. Just plan on being you - he will appreciate your true self.
  

• Be in the moment. Focus on what is happening around you instead of worrying whether an inch of hair is out of place. Immerse yourself in the present. Feel the breeze. Appreciate the food that you're eating - the taste, the feel. Anything to take your mind off from yourself for a while.
  

• It is not about you. It is about him. Concentrate and truly listen to what he has to say. Get to know him more.

It is one thing to know and another to actually do it. Understanding what causes shyness and developing effective techniques is the first step. My next advice is to jump into the pool. Get yourself out there. It will take time but don't despair. As long as you do not let setbacks stop you, shyness is something that you can slowly overcome and could eventually set your path to meeting Mr. right ;) All the best!

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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When I hear about women having dating and relationship problems, I hear the same theme of issues coming out every time: you can find a man, but not the right man. Or it may be a case of not being able to hang on to them for more than a few dates. Similarly, it may be a case of feeling as though all the quality men have been snapped up and all that are left are ones that you aren't attracted to. Have you ever felt as though all of this is sometimes out of your control? The ones you are attracted to are already married or in relationships, and the single ones that you do end up dating don't seem to last.

Your dating record may be characterized by a string of dismal failures, but after all that time you still aren't any closer to getting "the one."

I'm sure you've read guides that promise to take you in hand and teach you how to dress, act, behave, even down to how you hold your body. Sure, many women follow this advice blindly, in the hope that they can be convincing enough to get a guy's attention. But isn't a relationship about much more than just getting the guy?

That's where author Mirabelle Summers has a striking point of difference. In her ironically-named "Get a Guy Guide," the first thing she professes is that it's not about getting the guy as it is gaining the knowledge, skills and ability to be authentic, creative, and irresistibly attractive - very much what I believe in!

Rather than catching the guy, it's about freeing yourself from your past limitations and getting in touch with your most attractive self, and letting this guide you to living the lifestyle of your wildest dreams. Empowering stuff huh?

When I started to flick through this book, I was surprised at how applicable this stuff really is. If what Mirabelle is telling you in the book doesn't get through completely, she reinforces those thoughts and ideas with exercises, called "Actionable Attraction Challenges." It's a great way of reinforcing the strong mindsets and concepts coming through in her revolutionary take on dating and your attitude.

In fact, this 250+ page ebook is literally bursting with dating and attraction advice, and tips that will turn your life around. It's like having your own mentor or personal success coach right there in front of you.

Get a Guy Guide

Why would you be interested in it? Because the approach you have taken to dating and attraction hasn't worked for you thus far. You may have achieved success in other endeavors in your life, like your career and your friends, but your relationships have remained the great unknown.

Now it's time to find out what YOU can do to empower and prepare yourself for the right man and relationship when it comes along. Rather than focusing on finding out what men want, finding out what men do wrong, and finding ways to trick them into wanting you, this book is going to teach you methods to develop your attitude and inner attraction so that you are able to see attraction when it happens, and know how to maintain it.

Do you want to simply observe your love life, or do you want to participate? If you are serious about making positive changes in your approach to men and getting to the bottom of attraction, then this book is essential to helping you move forward.

Everybody has areas in their life that they feel they can improve on or wish they could do better, and the fundamental first step is in believing that change is possible. The next step is to read this guide.

• Do you want to discover more about the kind of man you want?
• Do you want to recognize the ideal man when he comes along?
• Do you want to let go of the baggage and misconceptions that have previously held you back?
• Do you want to learn how to attract the right type of man into your life?
• Do you want to learn how to develop the right mindset that is going to draw men to you in a way you have never experienced?
• When you do attract him, do you want to know when to take it to the next level without jeopardizing your chances?
• Do you want to know what to expect from him, and what he expects from you in return, when you are in a relationship?

Even for people that think they have what it takes already, there is still heaps in this book that can guide you towards making further improvements and keep your relationship thriving. With 250+ pages, it's attractively laid out, professionally designed, and contains everything you need to make concrete changes and bold steps toward dating success in your life.

The book is launched 20th August and it is at a special launch price of $29.95 only for the first 200 customers. So get this guide and get your guy ;)

Get a Guy Guide - From Initial Reaction To Life Long Attraction

All the best,



Because you deserve the very best in love!

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Previously, I wrote on the topic of washing your dirty linen in public.

Recently, I came across a related article by Joshua David Stein that was featured on Page Six Magazine. The article talks about his experience dating a co-worker who is also a blogger. You can access the article on his website.

What are your views and opinions? Do share them in the comments section.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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I checked my inbox today and received an email from a friend. I may have come to know of this beautiful love story pretty late but I think it's worth sharing.

I'm not sure where the original source of this email came from. There is a watermarked url, www.cqwb.com.cn, on one of the photos but it seems like the site is no longer there. I have copied and pasted the whole email here so as far as the issue of copyright goes, I would give the credit to the rightful writer. Read on...

******************

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his 80-year-old wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple's home for the last 50 years.

Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chaoqin.

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh as They had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, 'Are you regretful? Liu always replied, 'As long as we are industrious, life will improve.'

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, 'My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day. He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother's convenience, although she doesn't go down the mountain that much.'

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife's hand even after he had passed away.

'You promised me you'll take care of me, you'll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?'

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband's black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

******************

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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The birth of weblogs has made the process of setting up websites a total breeze. Many use blogs as a platform for airing their opinions, documenting day to day activities and their life journeys. Blogs really are the new personal diaries to the old book diaries that used to be kept hidden away from prying eyes.

In this digital age, personal journals are no longer personal. Once it goes online, it is there for the world to see. Your private life is no longer private. Every little detail of your life that has been documented is made known, even to strangers.

If you own a blog, be careful of what you choose to write.

picture source: marriedtothesea.com

When your relationship is going through a rough patch and you need a place to vent your frustrations, blogging is NOT the way to go. Unless it is the general nice things about the relationship that you want to share, it would be wise not to blog about it at all.

You may have heard of this before: Never date a blogger - because he/she will blog about you. I pondered further and could understand why someone would come up with such a quote.

Here are 3 reasons why you should not blog about your relationship:

#1 Giving others the bad opinion

When you air his dirty linens in public, people who read your blog will not only form a bad opinion of him, they may also form a bad opinion of you. Yes, YOU. Surprised? Well, when you go to the extent of broadcasting every dirty secret about him, you are indirectly telling others that you are not someone who can be fully trusted either. Even if he did something really bad, there are other ways of handling the situation. Blogging about it will only give other people a bad opinion of yourself.

#2 Risk losing his trust in you

When you blog about the bad things that he has done, of how he has disappointed you, of all the nitty gritty little details of your relationship, it is like giving him a kiss and then kicking him real hard. Imagine what it would be like if you had your dirty linen exposed by him for everyone else to read. How would it make you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Do you think you can still trust him? Do you think you can still share your feelings with him freely without them being made known? It is certainly not something you would celebrate about, would you? These are exactly how he would feel too. If you ever feel tempted to vent your anger and frustrations online, be aware of how it would make you feel if the tables were turned. Also be aware that you will create a huge dent in your own relationship, once he finds out about it.

#3 Scare away the good men

The woman may or may not realize that by broadcasting the relationship, she is actually sending a warning signal to other men. Perhaps she might think it is a way of showing other men that she is not someone to be trifled with. Well, if she keeps that up, she may just get what she asked for - men, good or bad, who would rather stay away from her.

A relationship is really an involvement of two people. Realize that you are the woman he trusts and love. So keep that special and sometimes not-so-special bond only between the two of you.

It is understandable that at times we need to seek a listening ear and someone to talk to. In this case, talk to someone close whom you can trust. It is best to keep it to only a few close friends - 1 or 2 is best. This may be difficult for women because we usually like to share our feelings with friends. Just make sure the friends whom you choose to share with will not spread gossip about your relationship to others. Remember that it is a matter of building and keeping the trust in your love relationship so keep the sharing to a minimum.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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You are a social butterfly. You have no problem talking to strangers. Then one day at a friend's party, you see an attractive man standing across the room.

You both exchange glances and a slight smile. You want to approach him but you're tongue-tied. He looks interested too. You wait for a few minutes. You still haven't talked to him yet. He has not approached you either. You both steal glances at each other once in a while. A few hours passed. Nothing happened. Again, your eyes met his. Still, nothing happened. So the session is over and everyone headed home. There goes your chance of ever seeing each other again.

Have you ever been in a similar situation before?

Well I have.

So what can you do about it? Should you wait till he comes up and talk to you? What if he never comes round to it? While some may prefer the traditional role of waiting for the man, there is also nothing wrong in being the one to make the first approach. There is nothing desperate about it. In fact, men welcome the gesture. It shows them that you are a confident woman - men love a woman who potrays confidence! If a man feels threatened by the prospect of a woman making the first approach, it could be that he has some major insecurity issues. Men would rather take away the guess work when it comes to knowing whether or not you're interested. It takes some pressure off of them too. So if you ever decide to be the one to make the first move, here are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind:

3-second rule

Next time you're stuck in this situation and at a loss of what to do next, just remember the 3-second rule. If you want to talk to someone you do not know for the first time, count up to 3-seconds and then just GO ahead and introduce yourself. Do not take any more than 3-seconds because if you feel shy or nervous for some reason, all these feelings will start sinking in and you will start talking yourself out of it.

It is not a marriage proposal

Do not put pressure on yourself. Think of it as if you're meeting a new friend. Doing a self introduction and making conversation is simply that. It is not the start of a marriage proposal. If the conversation leads to something more and you both feel that you want to see each other more often, then it's a bonus. If not, you would have made a new friend or acquaintance and that would be a great thing too.

What if he doesn't notice you?

If the man you want to talk to does not seem to notice you, then pick a good time to talk to him and observe his body language. Is he too engrossed in a conversation with his friends to notice anything else around him? Does his body language indicate signs of being open to chatting and meeting someone new? When all is clear, go up, introduce yourself and start a conversation.

More pointers for first approach

• Do it tastefully. You do not want to come across as being trashy.
• Think of it as if you're talking to an old friend and let the conversation flow naturally.
  
• If he does not seem interested, be graceful about it and do not take it personally.

Because you deserve the very best in love!

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